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by Tom Morey
Early yesterday morning I was driving to Elsinor, really
flying along the Ortega Highway, squinting against the strong
glare of sunrise coming through my bug splattered windshield...
rabbits dashing across the road every couple of minutes.
Some ways up I see yet another rabbit poking out from the
grass on the passenger side shoulder. He starts across at
a good clip and I'm thinking, "He's gonna make it past
me, no sweat ", so I continue on at full speed.
Well, no sooner does the rabbit zip past in front of me when
for no apparent reason he then reverses field, comes hoppin'
back out then accelerates right under the car and Ôblublumpff'
comes this sickening sound. I hadn't even had a chance to
swerve.
Feeling guilty as heck I pull over and walk back to see if
there's maybe something I can do. Anything to make it right.
Judging by the long walk back I must have been doing about
eighty.I get back there and sure enough the little guy is
thoroughly stomped. I feel just sick inside, and find all
my energy just draining away. Tears, which begin first as
a trickle are now streaming down my cheeks and I'm standing
there slumped over the poor little dead creature weeping uncontrollably.
I guess I'm not just feeling sorry for him but for the underlying
tragedy of the whole cycle of all of our lives created perhaps
by some mad Fool. Look at all of our overly busy agendas,
the rush rush rush and then later today, maybe tomorrow or
if not then following some long extended decay, there is some
kind of Ôblublumpff' for each of us. And for what?"God",
I'm thinking, "does it really have to be like this?"
Well, no sooner has that thought expressed itself when I'm
smelling cigar smoke. Sniffing, for a directional clue I then
hear George Burns' voice coming to ear from behind, "Son,
things are never as bad as they seem. Cheer up." I turn
and there, is God. He must have walked up on me during my
self absorbed break down. I see what has to be His car parked
just behind mine... a really fine Ô41 Ford 2 door coup My
sobbing is still in full control at this point, words are
not forthcoming.
So, we stand there quietly together for some time in reverent
silence. God is waiting patiently for me to regain composure.
Not drawing on the cigar, just holding it."I feel terrible,"
I finally choke out, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed
it." (As if God hadn't already figured this out Himself, you
know.)"Don't worry", He goes, "Don't get so
upset about things like this, Tom. It wasn't really your fault".
"But it was my fault", I say, "I was traveling
way to fast. The poor rabbit didn't have a chance."
"Listen," He says, "You think its important
to get to Lake Elsinor so you are rushing. That is how it
should be. But in truth you are simply part of the high speed
traffic situation I have been creating world wide in order
to keep down the flying bug population. I designed them too
good.
Unfortunately an occasional animal gets hit as well. So,
give me a break, I'm working on that too. Be happy."
"Besides", He continues, I have Mary's car today
so think I might be able to find just what we need"
And with that, God walks back to coup, opens the passenger's
door and begins rummaging around.Finally I see Him pull something
from under the front seat where it must have fallen and rolled.
Its a spray can. As He walks back He's vigorously shaking
the can.
He goes directly to the mangled carcass, removes the cap,
leans over, aims and "pssssssssssssss" delivers
a liberal dose of whatever the stuff is all over the rabbit.
Maybe ten seconds pass. Then miraculously the deformation
is subsiding. The blood stains repair back from the street
onto then soaking back into the rabbit. God goes, "Neat!
I'd forgotten how good this stuff works."
Next thing I know, the rabbit's up and looking around. Seeing
us he waves.
I'm not kidding, the rabbit deliberately stuck up his little
paw and waved like something out of phony TV commercial.
I imagined he's waving in gratitude to God. Or maybe God'
getting him to do it. But no, after testing forth with a tiny
hop or two, cute little nose twitching the rabbit turns away
and waves. Then he just hops off the road.
Dumbfounded, I turn to God who is recapping the spray can,
making ready to head out. "Will you be OK now?"
, He asks.
Wordless, I turn back toward the rabbit to see if perhaps
is all been just a dream. Nope, there he is, just at the edge
of the highway nibbling away on some grass and waving from
time to time.. at what I don't really know.
"God, what in the world is in that spray can?" I blurt
out.
"Did... did you see what happened?" I stammer.
And again, the rabbit waves.
"You're making him do that, aren't You.", I tell
him.
"No", says God.
"WELL THEN, WHAT DID YOU SPRAY ON THAT RABBIT?" , I
demand. God turns the can around so I'm able to read the label.
The label reads, "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair.
Adds permanent wave."
Tom Morey is inventor of the most used surf craft in the
world, The Morey Boogie Board.
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